That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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