Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
