Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
