So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
