How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
