When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
