my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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