I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
