I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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