I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
