I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
