that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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