every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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