can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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