literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
