These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize