margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found the puke drawer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
