How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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