so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
