somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
