When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
