the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
