She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
