We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
