I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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