just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
