Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
