He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
