she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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