Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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