His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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