BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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