Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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