Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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