bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
