if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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