i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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