Tell her she can't have a vagina
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
