Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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