So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
