this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
