i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
