Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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