Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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