I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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