Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
