I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
