plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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