This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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