Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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