I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
