Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
