i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
