i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We were destined to go to rehab together
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
