I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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