She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize