You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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