I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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