YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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