We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
