for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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