i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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