yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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