You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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