I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
