i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
