If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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