I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
