You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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