i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
